01 RESET the Environment
The Free taster course
Reactive behaviours are adaptive behaviours. This section will explain some of the communication behind behaviour and shed some light on factors that result in increasingly reactive behaviours.
01.1 - The Resilience Gauge
I came up with this model as a new mum. I was running on empty most of the time and feeling quite overwhelmed. But on the nights when I could sleep, and the days when I could eat, I felt fine again.
When your resilience is high, and you’re in your blue brain (physically able to manage emotions, access logic and reasoning etc.) you can look down on anxiety-based thoughts and see them for what they are. But when your resilience slips below the water level, you are immersed in the thoughts, and they’re all you can see.
When you are depleted, you can start to believe those thoughts and feel “on edge” and more emotionally reactive. It can also often feel like you’re drowning.
A lot of us are feeling depleted navigating life in the midst of a pandemic and often don’t have the time or energy to look after ourselves.
So if you feel like you have a shorter fuse than usual or that you’re not coping, there is nothing “wrong” with you. A car can’t operate when it’s depleted of fuel and neither can you.
01.2 - Inflatables & Anchors
Inflatables are safety cues to the body that result in oxytocin and dopamine release which counteracts the impact of stress. These neurochemicals help to lower our heart rate and allow our bodies to access calm more readily.
Anchors are danger cues that release stress into the body. Over time this stress turns into cortisol which activates our stress responses and associated reactive behaviours.
01.3 - Inflatables
When our bodies are experiencing stress responses, they need help to ‘swim’. They need support from a calmer person to allow for co-regulation to take place. We are beings that thrive off social connectedness. If we can offer inflatables in the form of safety cues, we can support each other to swim to the surface, access calm and manage our emotions more readily.
Here are some examples of practice that will communicate safety cues and help children access the skills they need to improve their conduct and learning behaviour.
Noticing one another
Establish non-threatening eye contact to communicate safety and close alliance
Appropriate physical contact
Kindness
Consistent, predictable routines
Calm, concise, objective feedback when addressing behaviour.
Focus on facts to separate behaviour from the sense of self
‘Us against the problem’, feeling part of the pack
Bonding through play
Curiosity, the awe effect
The illusion of calm because ‘what we project we get’
Our mindset is contagious.
01.4 - Anchors
When our bodies are experiencing emotional overwhelm, they tend to exhibit reactive behaviours. It often feels like we’re drowning and that everything is ‘too much’. We struggle to focus or think rationally and are often just flailing to try and reach the surface. When we focus on problems a ‘me against you’ approach, we communicate ‘danger cues’, and stress hormones are released into the body, which converts to cortisol over time. An excess of cortisol in our systems can have adverse effects on our mental and physical wellbeing.
Here are some examples of factors and practice that inhibit learning and have adverse effects on conduct and behaviour.
Perceived Judgement
Focusing on a problem
Misleading information
A last-minute change of plan, the unknown
Higher pitched harsh tone of voice
Reactive behaviour
Blurry boundaries
Me against you
Enmeshed behaviour and sense of self
Feeling isolated from the pack
Unrealistic expectations
Consuming too much sugar/processed food
Staying indoors
Excessive screen time
01.5 - Funny Face Game
This is a bit of a nervous system hack to activate your parasympathetic nervous system and stimulate the vagal break. It’s a neural exercise that slows your heart rate down and allows your body to regulate to a Blue Brain mindset.
