01 RESET the Environment

Reactive behaviours are adaptive behaviours. This section will explain some of the communication behind behaviour and shed some light on factors that result in increasingly reactive behaviours.

01.1 - The Resilience Gauge

I came up with this model as a new mum.
I was running on empty most of the time and feeling quite overwhelmed.
But on the nights when I could sleep, and the days when I could eat, I felt fine again.
When your resilience is high, and you’re in your blue brain (physically able to manage emotions, access logic and reasoning etc.) you can look down on anxiety-based thoughts and see them for what they are. But when your resilience slips below the water level, you are immersed in the thoughts, and they’re all you can see.

When you are depleted, you can start to believe those thoughts and feel “on edge” and more emotionally reactive. It can also often feel like you’re drowning.
A lot of us are feeling depleted navigating life in the midst of a pandemic and often don’t have the time or energy to look after ourselves.
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So if you feel like you have a shorter fuse than usual or that you’re not coping, there is nothing “wrong” with you. A car can’t operate when it’s depleted of fuel and neither can you.
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01.2 - Inflatables & Anchors

Inflatables are safety cues to the body that result in oxytocin and dopamine release which counteracts the impact of stress. These neurochemicals help to lower our heart rate and allow our bodies to access calm more readily.

Anchors are danger cues that release stress into the body. Over time this stress turns into cortisol which activates our stress responses and associated reactive behaviours.

 

01.3 - Inflatables

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  • Noticing one another.

  • Establish eye contact to communicate safety and close alliance

  • Physical contact

  • Kindness

  • Consistent, predictable routines

  • Calm, concise, objective feedback when addressing behaviour.

  • Focus on facts to separate behaviour from the sense of self

  • Us against the problem, feeling part of the pack

  • Bonding through play

  • Curiosity, the awe effect

  • Illusion of calm because what we project we get. Our mindset is contagious

 
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01.4 - Anchors

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  • Perceived Judgement

  • Focusing on a problem

  • Misleading information

  • Last-minute change of plan, the unknown

  • Higher pitched, harsh tone of voice

  • Reactive behaviour

  • Blurry boundaries

  • Me against you

  • Enmeshed behaviour and sense of self

  • Feeling isolated from the pack

  • Unrealistic expectations

  • Too much sugar

  • Staying indoors

  • Too much screen time

  • Too much caffeine

 

01.5 - Funny Face Game

This is a bit of a nervous system hack to activate your parasympathetic nervous system and stimulate the vagal break. It’s a neural exercise that slows your heart rate down and allows your body to regulate to a Blue Brain mindset.

 

01.6 - Offer Inflatables

 

Weekly Challenge

Focusing on goals releases oxytocin.

Refer to the Inflatables in section 01.3

Choose three and focus 0n ways you can use them to support each other this week.